Mindfulness for busy families - avoiding the chaos trap!
Almost daily I get asked a question along these lines“ Are phones and ipads bad for my child?”, “Why is anxiety on the rise, particularly in children?”, ”Is social media the reason for all our modern day mental health issues?” The short answer is No. It is not a phone, work, stress or the kids, but the inability to take a mental break that causes the brain to overload. The brain is like a phone, you need to recharge and reboot it to keep it in good functioning order. We all know that sleep is so critical to our wellbeing, but so often unattainable if your only state of mind is “think, think, think.”
Despite our brains evolving and being capable of complex higher order functioning, it still has a full point. When we (and our children) are full, our brain loses the ability to self-regulate emotions and behaviours and to concentrate or focus. We then become more and more addicted to the stimulation. It is like a switch that we can’t turn off. This inevitably leads to a constant “stress state” and can increase the risk of longer term issues with sleep disturbance, anxiety and depression.
It is not just electronic devices that stimulate the brain. Any analysis by the brain including high stimulus recreational activities/learning or social activities, busy schedules, ongoing reflections on the past, increased pressure to get organised or problem solving about the future all stimulate our thinking brain. These are all wonderful aspects of life but cumulatively without rest lead to a state of “constant stress.” Latest research indicates that we are spending up to half of our life disengaged from what is happening in front of us – “mindless,” and most of this is thinking.
Mindfulness is a state of “being” rather than “thinking” that enables the brain to reduce the stimulation – at times. It is the focus on reduce stimulation in the present moment, without getting tangled in the analysis of it. You don’t need to be sitting crossed legged – you can still notice your emotions, thoughts or sensations in any of your current environments. You can be in the shower, enjoying a coffee or walking in the park – it is about noticing the experience rather than judging it.
How to get your family more mindful?
Firstly, please refrain from adding mindfulness to your “better do this or the kids will suffer list.” It is a tool or skill that will assist in maintaining good mental health, not a magic to avoid life’s emotional experiences.
Secondly, decide on 2-3 times in your day that you can practice mindfulness.
Pause to notice and be in that moment with your full attention. Times when you could do this are:
watching your children play
at dinner time
whilst driving
pausing to be fully present when you have a cup of tea/coffee
It sounds easy but you will need to practice, especially if you haven’t used that mind muscle before or for sometime! Don’t expect miracles, with practice you can improve your ability to stay focused.
If that seems foreign, start with some formal practice so you can get a sense of noticing rather than analysing – being rather than thinking. The Smiling Mind App is a longer-term place to start. Children are naturally Mindful when they are young and as they grow we train them to analyse, judge and predict future possibilities – all great skills. However, there is also a time to be in the now, with full acceptance and gratitude so that when they are “full” they can create some space within their minds to reboot. Without it, we give them little opportunity to be resilient in the face of life’s adversity.
If over thinking has already caused sleep difficulties, we welcome you to join us this month for our Mindfulness practice “Improve your sleep.”
About Jodie
Jodie is a nationally accredited Psychologist and has been the Director of The Mindful Centre since 2006. At TMC, they specialise in the biological aspects of the mind/body connection to better explain how humans think, feel and behave. TMC offers monthly mindfulness practice. You can see their full calendar of workshops and events at here.