Do I need to be kinder to myself?

Compassion is being kind, showing empathy and trying to alleviate suffering. Many of us are able to be compassionate towards others, especially the ones we love and care for.

Self-compassion involves directing that same kindness, empathy and reducing suffering towards ourselves. However, often we find being compassionate to ourselves challenging.

So why is this? As we are developing we learn to take on the criticism of others or mirror caregivers negative self-talk. People often believe that being harsh on ourselves will motivate us. However, research has found that harsh self-talk can cause undue stress but self-compassion can led to positive change (there is a great YouTube talk attached at the end that explains this further).

Self-compassion can be broken into three components:

1.      Self-kindness vs judgement – being kind to one self rather than judging ourselves for our actions our failures.

2.      Common Humanity vs isolation – recognising that negative experiences are part of what it means to be human. Rather than isolating ourselves and assuming we are the only ones experiencing suffering.

3.      Mindfulness vs over identification – Taking a balanced approach to all our thoughts and feeling. Thus not over identifying with our negative thoughts but instead being accepting of the good and bad.

So how can we put these three components into practice.

1.      Well firstly imagine what you may say to a close friend who was struggling with the same issue or concern. This will help us be kind to ourselves. (try exercise 1 attached)

2.      Remind yourself that struggling is part of being human and acknowledge this as a moment of suffering (try exercise 2 that is attached).

3.      Take a moment each day to stop and notice what you are grateful for. This will help to keep a balanced perspective and to be mindful of other things that have occurred outside of what has caused you stress.

Resources:

·         Three elements of self-compassion
https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/

·         The space between self-esteem and self-compassion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4

·         Exercise 1 – How would you treat a friend
https://self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-friend/

·         Exercise 2 – Self compassionate break
https://self-compassion.org/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/