Leading your family through COVID-19
To be an effective leader, you must understand your own motivations, strengths and weaknesses.
Great leaders connect with their team/family by facilitating open communication, encouraging employee/family growth and development, and giving and receiving feedback.
As a Psychologist and an executive coach, I work with business owners and management teams to improve organisational outcomes every week. Business clients are very surprised when I focus most of our sessions on how to improve emotional intelligence and communication skills. In my clinic, I work with individuals and families to improve family cohesion. They are equally surprised to hear me coach on Leadership skills when managing a family “team.”
It is easy to sit in an office (or lounge room) and delegate tasks, any manager or parent can do this, but it is more difficult to be an effective leader. If you notice your employees or family members are disengaged or unmotivated to contribute to the team it may be helpful to reassess and reform your strategies. Here’s some ideas to get your “team building” mindset back on track.
1. Be honest and invite open communication.
One of the most important elements of effective leadership is creating an open line of communication with your team members. Great leaders are able to customize their interactions and communication styles to suit each situation and team member, based on individual preferences. This means they take the time to figure out which communication mode is preferred by each team member. We often fall into the trap of parenting according to what we need, or what child one needs. Each member of the family is unique and requires adjustment in communication styles. It is the leaders responsibility to have various styles of communication.
2. Connect with your team members.
Leading a group of people requires a mutual sense of trust and understanding between the leader and their team members. To achieve this, leaders should learn to connect.
To build a connection with each of your team members, focus on getting to know their personality, interests, strengths, weaknesses, hobbies and preferences. This can give you insight into their goals and motivations. The better you understand and empathise with them, the better your ability to formulate an appropriate strategy. This takes time and is impossible to achieve in fast forward mode.
3. Encourage personal growth.
Acting as your teams cheerleader is an important part of being an effective leader. You should be invested in their success and growth. It is critical that there is a focus on growing…not just getting the job done.
When leaders believe in their team and give them the opportunity to learn and grow, they might be surprised how much they can accomplish. Don't be afraid to delegate tasks and encourage freedom and creativity.
4. Keep a positive attitude.
As much as leaders wish their teams day-to-day operations could run smoothly all the time, they're bound to run into the occasional obstacle. Whether it's a minor miscommunication or a major error, the way you handle a negative situation says a lot about your leadership skills.
In research, it is well known that maintaining perspective (balanced perception) of a problem is critical to the effective resolution of it. For example, people who can point out things they're happy with in a problematic situation, they don't feel so strongly about the problem and are better able to think clearly and solve it. The same is true when a leader needs to improve their strategy. If you or a team member notices a particular course of action you've taken that just isn't working, figure out some things you've done in the past that have worked. Ask for a brainstorming session rather than taking on the sole responsibility for figuring it out.
Being able to maintain attention (Mindful focus) on solutions, rather than problems, can help your team maintain positive engagement. A positive environment is more likely to create a more engaged and productive workforce or family. By displaying enthusiasm and confidence, a good leader will see the impact that they can have in their working environment. This is why self-care and adequate space for recharging is not selfish, but critical in the successful maintenance of family and work environments.
5. Teach rather than give orders.
An effective leader knows how to show others what is required, rather than simply telling them. A focus of any leader is to cultivate a more collaborative, committed work environment – without coaxing them. If you are controlling people to do certain things in certain ways, you're not going to get the level of engagement that you're looking for. Coaching is about helping the people you lead recognize the choices they have in front of them. People are very capable of ownership over the direction of the project or outcomes. As opposed to simply barking orders at team members, good leaders should encourage growth by teaching. Parents of young children need to provide more direction but should still encourage choices.
6. Set clear goals and expectations.
It is a leaders job to set clear goals and expectations and communicate these through consistent behaviours. When setting these objectives, encourage employee/family questions and feedback to ensure there is some agreement. Including them in the process can increase engagement.
For a leader to motivate and inspire, they need to keep their team in the know about their vision, this helps the team understand the end result they're working towards as a unit. When goals are clearly set, everyone can track progress and identify achievements in a tangible manner. Conversations become “we” not “you” and any management intervention or consequences are applied for team cohesion and collaborative outcome.
7. Give direct feedback about performance
Direct, honest feedback – even if it's criticism – is the best way to guide your team in the right direction. You also need to know exactly where your family is headed so you can give them the right advice. Feedback should be provided when calm, and not in the heat of conflict or disagreement.
In addition to providing constructive feedback and praise, highlight employee/family accomplishments. If a team member does something great, let them know. Celebrate their wins and thank them for their hard work, but don’t praise half efforts. The Losada ratio is a tool used in family and couples therapy as a baseline ratio for positive versus negative interactions. Five positive or connecting moments to one negative determines who will flourish versus those who will languish. Check your ratios regularly to ensure you have enough gas in your tank.
Positive recognition will create an environment of productivity, and acknowledging successes by outlining how it impacts the family, rather than with vague pats on the back, is not only encouraging but also helps a person work better in the long run. Avoid guilting family members into action – focus on building rewards for being part of the team.
8. Be open to new ideas.
Good leaders have the emotional intelligence to understand and accept that change is inevitable. Instead of trying to maintain a status quo just for the sake of consistency, embrace change and innovation. Be open to new ideas and alternative ways of thinking. Everyone brings a unique perspective to the table (even a 5 year old), and that is something to take advantage of, not discourage. Children are great at reminding adults about the value or Mindfulness and play.
When solving a problem, encourage team members to provide their insights. When team members feel like they can openly bring new ideas to the table, true innovation, engagement and success can prevail.
9. Understand your own motivation.
If a person in a leadership position views their role as "just a job," it's going to show. To be an effective leader, you need the right motivation. Is it the money or the prestige you care about, or do you sincerely want to inspire people to do their best? In a family, it is critical to see your role as a leader, not merely one who pays the bills and cleans up after everyone.
Remember that being a good leader takes time. Although some individuals are naturally inclined to have good leadership skills, it is something anyone can learn and improve upon. With hard work, dedication and strategic planning, you can lead your family to success.